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Advice needed

I know that enough of you have to deal with the loss of a friend or loved one due to cancer, so I'm asking you all for advice -

What do you get for someone who is dying? My coworker and friend, Judy, is "retiring" tomorrow - she's going on disability. She's decided to quit fighting the system, and making herself miserable over whether she'll get sick leave pool. She and her life partner came to the agreement that is she only has three months to live, why be miserable? She's not bedridden just yet, but the pain is constant and bad enough that she's maxed out on her Oxycontin dosage and takes another medication every two hours for the breakthrough pain.

I was thinking that a gift certificate to restaurants in the area, along with To Go menus would be good. And I just remembered that a friend works for Eat Out In, so perhaps he'd set me up with some GCs as well.

Other suggestions?


( 8 comments — Leave a comment )
Apr. 30th, 2007 12:18 am (UTC)
Maybe gift certificates at places with nice linens/pillows, etc. When a good friend was going she figured if you have to be in bed and at home all the time, it might as well be a fluffy, comfy and beautiful place. She also liked flowering potted plants. Nothing with too strong of a smell, but pretty and bright flowers.

Apr. 30th, 2007 02:17 pm (UTC)
i would say nothing. gifts only reminds someone they are sick.
Apr. 30th, 2007 03:24 pm (UTC)
Your comment makes me strongly believe that you have never dealt with someone close to you who has had cancer. I have been through cancer with more close family than I can count on both hands. Giving them a gift does not remind them that they're sick. It reminds them that they are loved and that you took the extra time to give them something to make them feel special. But then again, I come from a family where we do little things for each other throughout the year just to show someone we're thinking of them. It's called caring.
Apr. 30th, 2007 12:42 am (UTC)
I like the idea... give them something they can enjoy while she is still getting around.
Apr. 30th, 2007 12:50 am (UTC)

All good recommendations - sweetcheri made a couple of good points elsewhere, by reminding me that often Judy is awake all night. She suggested a gift card for a video rental place, or if I buy movies some comedies.

I need to talk to our HR folks about a Health and Wellness session, to get us some group discussions on getting through this - when Robin passed away from cancer, it was devastating to our office. Robin had been the first and loudest person to tell me that I could not only attempt the Danskin triathlon, but that I would finish it.
(Deleted comment)
Apr. 30th, 2007 02:03 am (UTC)
thank you!
great idea, except that I suspect that any time Judy can actually concentrate, she'll probably want to work on a couple of papers or the book she's been writing.

I don't know how far she's gotten, but her big project is on The 1900 Storm, a hurricane that hit Galveston, Texas. It was an event that debilitated the town, and resulted in a shift from there to Houston as the major seaport for Texas Gulf Coast region.
Apr. 30th, 2007 11:00 pm (UTC)
Re: thank you!
Do you know anyone in UT's literary department? Perhaps there's someone that could help her complete her project. Depending on what kind of help she needs with it, a website could be a killer idea too; I'm sure she'd get lots of folks wanting to help.

If it were me, I'd be very comforted by leaving a permanent legacy behind.
Apr. 30th, 2007 03:22 am (UTC)
A couple of years ago, my graduate adviser at UT was diagnosed with colon cancer and it was very unexpected and he required surgery shortly thereafter. I was in one of these positions, not knowing what to get. I bought some Calvin and Hobbes books because I remember that being the only thing that could make me smile when I was in a major depression.

I know Cafe Monet has a little package you can pick out for sick friends, etc.

Best wishes to you and your friends.
( 8 comments — Leave a comment )